THE SLEEP DEPRIVED RANT

My exhaustion is definitely starting to get the better of me. 

As I sit down to write, I honestly just want to cry. It's been a big day, I'm running on a severe lack of sleep & now I'm getting emotional. Ugh.

Max is 3 weeks old now & although I am getting the hang of things, I feel like at the moment, I am 'just a mum'. 

I love spending my days with my kids, however since having kids I've always had my own money & depended on myself for an income - now I have bugger all. If only we could get paid to be mothers. 

OK - I'm crying now. 

I'm so tired, I feel like a giant lump of a human & it's been a tough day. This is definitely motherhood. I don't want to whinge to Drew because he has spent the last 10 hours at work & the last thing he needs is for me to break down & cry about a hard day with 2 kids.  I always wait until he asks for Max before handing him over so he can have a rest first because lately he has been working such long days. It sounds lame, but I eagerly wait for his ute to back into the driveway every single day, just so I have someone to talk to.

Godamit - the more I type, the more I cry. What's wrong with me!

Max hasn't been sleeping well at night lately, hence why I'm so tired. I think it's because my boobs aren't supplying him with enough milk & he feeds so often that I'm scared that I won't be breastfeeding for too much longer. It will break my heart if that's the case. I love breastfeeding him. 

I think the hardest thing about trying to look after 2 kids is making sure that I'm doing a good enough job. Max can't talk so he can't tell me if I'm doing OK. Madi on the other hand is a bag of tricks lately & I never know if she's going to help me or fight me. Today - she just wanted to fight me. 

I could apologise for being emotional right now but this is my blog. I'm tired, my baby did a shit all over one side of my pants while vomiting on the other side & all I've managed to eat today is butter on toast. I'm allowed to have a whinge if I want. OH, & I haven't had one single coffee today either. 

I totes love being a mummy - I just need more sleep. Sleep in general would be nice. And a trip to the toilet that doesn't hurt.