It has come to my attention lately that some men don't realise that they live by their own rules. I've named these rules 'The Men Commandments'. Even those these rules don't apply to all, I'm sure a lot of you will be able to relate to many of these.


1. Thou shalt not care where the lids of the bottles are
I may have a slight case of OCD & that means I like to keep all the bottles together with their lids. It drives me absolutely nuts when a bottle is placed in the sink without a lid & without an explanation for where the lid may be.

2. Thou shalt not mow the lawn until we bug you to the brink of annoyance
Our lawn gets mowed maybe once every 2 months. Madi will not play outside if the backyard is overgrown to the point where she can see the hidden piles of dog shit & flowers are growing on top of them. The lawn only gets mowed when I bug & bug & bug & bug some more & then apparently I'm the bad guy for asking so much. If you had done it in the first place I wouldn't sound so fucking annoying.

3. Thou shalt not remove toilet rolls from the toilet once finished
The fucking toilet rolls. It's not so hard to take it with you if you're walking in the direction of the kitchen. Apparently it's very difficult. Sometimes I will do a test & just leave the toilet rolls in the toilet to see how long it takes for someone to pick them up & put them in the bin... by the time it gets to 4, I've gotten the shits & done it myself. This has caused many arguments in this house.

4. Thou shalt not EVER make the bed
I find the bedroom so much more appealing when the bed is made. I love being a clean bedroom in general. Considering all that needs to be done is pull the doona back neatly & place 4 pillows on top is all that needs to be done, it shouldn't be such a huge effort. I guess it must be because after sharing the same bed for many years, I've done it every single time. 
"Why make the bed when I'm just gonna sleep in it at night" - The Man

5. Thou shalt use every dish to make dinner
I am now the sole cooker of dinner after too many incidences where every dish, every ingredient & every utensil has been used to cook dinner & then left out on the bench afterwards. I have now banned anyone else from cooking in the kitchen because I am always the one to have to clean it up. I don't understand how every single spice & 4 pans needs to be used to cook bacon & eggs.

6. Thou shalt be able to take a ciggy break whenever desired
If I want to do ANYTHING, I'll always have 1 or 2 kids in tow to do it. However, when it comes to ciggy breaks, the children are passed to me & the ciggy break begins. Sometimes I wish that I smoked so that I could go outside every 20 minutes for a break. I can't even sit down for 2 minutes to write an email. I've mastered the one handed email, the one handed buttering of toast & the one handed emptying of the dishwasher.

7. Thou shalt work on the ute every fuckin' weekend
The fucking ute.
How many fucking modifications can be made on a Hilux? Apparently a fuckload. Every weekend when I ask what is going on that day, I get the answer 'Oh just working on the ute'. The ute has a reversing camera, spotlight, dog cage, toolboxes, lift kit, suspension (oh that suspension), monster truck tyres & who knows what else in there, WHAT ELSE COULD IT POSSIBLY NEED! 

8. Thou shalt not know how to use the washing machine so thou not have to wash
If a man never learns how to use the washing machine, they think that they never have to do the washing. Simple. I'm at the stage now where I'd rather do it myself anyway because at least I know it will be done the right way.

9. Thou shalt be able to go to the toilet alone whenever desired
I take 1 or 2 kids to the toilet every time I go. The baby will be in the bassinet sitting outside & most of the time Madi will invite herself & have a full on conversation while we're there. The man however, will go downstairs to avoid any conversation or distraction from a relaxing shit.

10. Thou shalt get shitty when girlfriend blogs about this shit
If he doesn't want me to blog about shit he does, he should probably stop doing things that give me the shits. I've already put these past him before I published them, he got the shits but I already had the shits hence why I've written this. So we're even.

The breaking of these rules would mean loss of manliness.
My man is one of the 'manliest' men I've ever met.
I love how manly he is, but for fucks sake, pick up a bloody toilet roll every now & then babe.

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MotherhoodLauren Patterson