When I am either tired or haven't had a second to myself for a while, I become quite irritable. Here are a list of things that give me the absolute shits when I'm wrecked when on a normal day they wouldn't bother me at all:

1. Our stupid dickhead neighbour who cuts down trees with a circular saw
What type of stupid dickhead cuts down trees with a circular saw? Our neighbour. He will go outside for about an hour every afternoon and attempt to cut shit up. He has blown the circuit numerous times and because he is using the incorrect tool to do what he wants to do, he has to stop and start every few seconds to get the job done. He knows that it makes me angry because I slam the windows and doors shut while glaring at him every single time he does it. Stupid dickhead.

2. Our stupid dickhead neighbour that has stupid dickhead cars
Our other neighbour has about 5 cars - all of which have stupid dickhead turbo exhaust loud ass things on them. They all take 15 minutes to warm up just to drive at 5km an hour down the road while making a shitload of noise while doing so. I've already written an anonymous letter a few months back but obviously they don't give a shit. Stupid dickheads and their stupid dickhead cars.

3. Hayfever
I have had hayfever all of my life, but when I'm tired and I sneeze 4 times in a row, I get the shits. Why out of 3 children did I have to be the only one who ended up with an allergy. 

4. My Big Fat Fabulous Life
I don't need to be tired to get the shits at the chick on this show. She is loud, friggin' obnoxious and can't decide whether she loves being fat or not. The whole show is either her going "I LOVE BEING FAT & FABULOUS" or she's whinging and crying going "PEOPLE TREAT ME LIKE SHIT COZ I'M FAT AND I HATE IT". She claims to want to lose weight spends most of the show eating toast. Good one dickhead. 

5. The Rubbish
Somehow we manage to fill over 2 bin bags A DAY. We are a family of 4, and 2 of these people aren't even full size people yet so I don't understand how we manage to do this. What's worse is that if I don't take the bags out, they'll normally sit next to the bin for a couple of days until Drew points out that I haven't taken the bin bags out for a few days. 

6. The Kids Bedroom
It looks like a bomb hit it, it's looked like that for more than a month and I just choose not to go in there unless I'm super happy and energetic or I'm putting Madi to bed. The challenge is that I have to be the one that cleans and sorts it because if Drew does it, he'll do it wrong and I'll get pissed off and have to do it again anyway.

7. Noise
I would just like some fuckin' peace and quiet for 2 bloody minutes. Our street has stupid dickhead cars driving up and down it ALL THE BLOODY TIME and I just want to get a baseball bat and beat the shit out of every car that drives like a knob when it drives past. 

8. When Drew goes out for a smoke every 10 minutes
Sometimes I find myself wishing that I smoked just so I could go outside for a relaxing moment every 10 minutes. Then he'll get to go for nice relaxing shit too which can take up to half an hour.

9. When I can't think of something to cook for dinner
I have every single spice under the sun in my pantry but when it comes to putting something for dinner, I have no friggin' idea. After a day of running around between the 2 kids, my type of dinner is one that is cooked and delivered to my door. 

10. The fact that Drew has perkier boobs than me
Anyone has boobs that sit higher than their elbows gives me the royal shits. Mine just aren't the same after 2 kids. They're like Dumbos ears. 

As you can tell, I've written this in a very irritable state.

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MotherhoodLauren Patterson