Back when I was pregnant with my first, people would say to me "boys are so much easier than girls" - I call BULLSHIT. Those people must have been living in a fairyland filled with rainbows, unicorns and magical children that have wings. 

kids crying

Madi was an easy baby. She slept well, liked travelling in the car and at that stage, was close to angel unicorn status... now she's 4 and thinks that she's a professional in life and knows everything and if you disagree with her on that, she'll stomp her feet and tell you that you're no longer friends.

Madi telling me off

Max, on the other hand, took ages to start sleeping properly, hates the car with a passion and already has a mind of his own. He loves pissing on the floors, pulling the pantry apart and hitting people. Cute as fuck, but definitely has asshole tendencies. 

Now the funny thing is, they've both hit massive stages at exactly the same time. While Madi is being a boss, making her own breakfast, running her own bath and telling my 8.30am class that their push up technique is wrong, Max is walking around taking off his nappies, taking a wiz on the floor and playing with his willy. I don't even know if that's normal but if I compare him to his father, then I know exactly where he got that habit from. In terms of Madi's sass and stubborn nature, well apparently that's my trait but I'm yet to confirm that. 

So seeing as Max is the only baby boy that I've taken care of, I wasn't sure if his new found habit was normal, so yes, like any parent, I googled it. 
Google search: "is it normal for my baby to play with his penis"
Result: "YES - it's normal" ...until they're old enough to understand that it's a private activity
I can think of many males that I need to show this google search. 

My children are beautiful, and I love them dearly, but sometimes I feel like I produced them to test me. I always ask their daycare teachers if they do these things when they're with them, and the answer is always no. So I've realised that I've had a part in raising respectful children who have conjured up a game called "Let's see how long it takes until mummy loses her shit" for when they're at home.

As my children grow older and start to build such dominant personalities, I've started to put together coping strategies to assist with the maintaining of what is left of my sanity. Here are the following tips that I've begun using:

1.  Meditation & Yoga
2. Muttering "for fuck's sake" under your breath
3. The Wiggles
4. Pretend to play hide & seek but you actually sneak off to the toilet for a solo poo
5. A cold corona 

Pfft what am I talking about, I mean more than one Corona.

No matter what these kids throw at me, half the time I laugh at their new personality trait for most of the time because you've just gotta take these things as they come and if you're too serious about life you'll never get out of it alive. They're awesome kids and even when Max is cracking an epic tanty in the shops because I won't let him have something, it's kinda cute. 

Until next time,


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MotherhoodLauren Patterson